Released August 22, 2007

Video Length 1:27


The word "Soldier" below refers to the protagonist, a RED Soldier.[Cut to a BLU Pyro firing a blast of flame from his Flamethrower. He thrusts his weapon in the air and laughs triumphantly as a rocket heads towards him from off screen].

Pyro: [Rocket hits Pyro, who is gibbed.] "Ow!"

[Cut to BLU Demoman taking a drink, also getting blown up by a Crit rocket from off screen.]

[Cut to BLU Heavy performing the Showdown taunt.]

Heavy: "Pow!" [Explodes, presumably by a third Crit rocket]

["Meet the Soldier" text appears.]

[Cut to the Soldier, drilling what appears to be a line of recruits.]

Soldier: "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more [He pokes a recruits' helmet] about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor."

[The Art of War plays]

[Cut to the Soldier holding his Shovel and screaming.]

[The Soldier then charges the final capture point in Granary with his Shotgun and kills a Demoman, who fires at him but misses. He switches to his Rocket Launcher and a BLU Medic appears behind him, firing syringes.]

RED Demoman: "To the left!"

Soldier: "Maggots!"

[The Soldier turns to the left and fires a Crit rocket at the Medic, gibbing him.]

RED Sniper: "Right up! Right up!"

RED Heavy: "Go, go, go!"

[The Soldier, Sniper and Heavy charge into battle together, as explosions occur all around them.]

[Cut back to the Soldier's drill. Music pauses.]

Soldier: "Then, he used his fight money...

[The Soldier unhooks two grenades from his belt, one in each hand.]

Soldier: buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat...

[The Soldier demonstrates by using the grenades, moving them in a walking motion.]

Soldier: ...and then he beat the crap out of every single one."

[The Soldier bangs the two grenades together repeatedly.]

[Cut back to battle scene. Music resumes.]

RED Scout: (Behind cover) "Sentry up there!"

[The Soldier runs up to the Sentry gun and rocket jumps onto a pipe, both destroying the Sentry and killing the Engineer in the process.]

[A BLU Heavy and Pyro are holding the final capture point. The Heavy is laughing gleefully. The Soldier jumps downward, firing a Critical rocket that lands just before he does. The explosion kills both the Heavy and Pyro. A Spy uncloaks and attempts to backstab the Soldier, but the Soldier pulls out his Shovel, swiftly knocking out the Spy with it.]

[Freeze frame]

[Cut back to the Soldiers drill]

Soldier: [Laughs to himself] "And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'!"

[Crickets chirp as the 'recruits' are revealed to be the Gibbed heads of BLU team members perched on a gate, all wearing BLU Soldier helmets. The Medic's head falls off the gate.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

Soldier: [To the Medic's head] "Unless it's a farm!"